I spend a lot of time writing about what ties us together and intentional discovery. A large part of why I write about these topics is because I long for community. Since graduating high school in 2005 I have changed residences eight times. The constant movement has made it immensely difficult to maintain close relationships because, if someone is out of sight, they are often out of mind.
A terrible side effect is that I’ve found myself on a general retreat inward because creating new bonds can feel futile because consistency is not guaranteed in the relationship. The closest comparison I can think of to my experience is a military family. I haven’t known too many, but I was exploded to the constant moving they can be exposed to. At the same time, when they move they still have a community in the military bases and other military families that my moves haven’t afforded me.
I often feel a deep sense of solitude because I don’t have a consistent subculture that I regularly interact with. I have always wanted to be able to float between groups because I find a wide array of topics interesting and don’t want to tie myself too closely with one group. The hard part is matching the level of passion discovered in each different group while still remaining open to other experiences and ideas.
Then there is the issue of time. I don’t work a 9 to 5 job, so I am often working when others are communing. I recently realized that my introverted wife spends more time with groups of friends than I do even though I’m more extroverted. Today I discovered a really cool RPG website, roll20.net, that also has a game discovery mechanic. I started to browse, but quickly realized that u can’t make a weekly commitment to a campaign.
Writing this blog is a middle ground. I can interact with people, but I can do it at 12:45pm or 11:30pm.
I’m hoping that opportunities arise where I can break the habits and mindset that get in the way of me forming friendships. I also hope that I won’t need to settle into a cultural groove that stifles my desire for discovery. Sometimes I wonder how realistic it is for me to want life to be that way, and if it’s even possible.